You can keep them in the pew, you know. We did.
Let me say from the top that as imperfect parents, Jon and I made mistakes raising our children. We are a normal family with everyday problems and sin challenges. Only by the kindness and grace of God, do we have four grown children pursuing the Lord. Children whose Bibles are cherished, worn; beloved.
Another disclosure: I write today from a mother’s vantage point and not as a pastor’s wife speaking into a specific situation. By the nature of my husband’s vocation, I must make this distinction. Please understand that I am not railing against all children’s church environments. Our church offers this option to our parishioners, and numerous adults work to make this available.
Our personal choice is not prescriptive. It is a preference…one that I believe to be biblically sound, and a passion I share only when people press me with:
Kristin, how did you raise your children to love God and the church?
This happens from time to time, and when they ask?
I answer.
***
Pulpit and Pew.
Our nation and world are undeniably crumbling with families scattered and torn, fragile and broken. I would argue that this is not because mothers and fathers are purposefully gathering their little loves around the dinner table each night, praying and opening their Bibles for family devotions, or sitting elbow-to-elbow in the pew every Sunday, eager to hear God’s Word unpacked while uniting together under the preaching of Scripture.
I would argue families have sadly drifted because they are not doing these things.
***
Biblically speaking, a home is to be God-centered, not child-centered. God is our Heavenly Father, our Ruler of order and of peace. In a Christ-centered home, there will be zero questions about the I’m importance of attending church each week. It is understood, from Scripture, that in love, devotion, and obedience to God, the family will gather to be spiritually fed. (Hebrews 10:25)
The sermon itself is the high point of the entire week. It is the Christian’s banquet, the meat of life. The sermon is when Christians and unbelievers in attendance hear faithful, biblical exposition. It is a holy time of exhortation, admonition, conviction, and comfort.
This I why I cannot, in good conscience, favor anything that pulls adults and children away from Sunday’s sermon.
For Christian parents, entrusted with raising their own little ones, the question becomes:
Why would I desire to dismiss my children from this succulent feast?
An important question to ponder.
Most parents spend copious amounts of time planning and ensuring that their children complete their homework, achieve good grades, pursue extra-curricular activities, have a decent haircut, consume nutritious foods, wear clean clothing, and enjoy safe playtime.
How much time do parents spend planning how to incline their child’s soul to the things of God?
Children’s church will never replicate the gathering of saints under pastoral preaching. A common argument in favor of children’s church is that children require age-appropriate teaching. Yes, this, too, is important, which is why we offer Sunday School and midweek children’s classes.
But there is something far more important.
The preaching.
The Gospel message itself–declared week in and week out, is ordained to grow and mature Christians.
Colossians 1:28 states:
Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.
Yes, every Christian must be weaned from rice cereal and introduced to the divine steak dinner.
***
When I am asked how we endeavored to raise our children in the church, the answer is plain, not easy, and judging from countenances, somewhat disappointing. I often get the impression that people believe a parent can dole out a multivitamin and Voilà! Their son or daughter will morph into a spiritually mature young adult who is steadfastly committed to being in the pew weekly, adores God most fervently, and abides in the Scriptures daily.
It simply does not work this way.
***
Every Saturday night, when our children were small and tucked in bed, I pulled out the ironing board. As the iron hissed and steamed, I pressed four little outfits, plus two adult ones. It took a bit of time, but as my husband polished his sermon I prayed for the person whose clothing I was ironing—something my great-aunt had inspired me to do.
Afterward, I lined up four pairs of clean shoes in our front hall and set the kitchen table with bowls, napkins, spoons, and cereal boxes.
Sunday mornings were a flurry with four young ones and a preaching husband, but with the preparation mentioned above, we made it to church on time.
In fact, the only time we stayed home, ever, was when someone was ill. And even then, I tended to our little patient while Jon took the others to church.
To be clear, we did not attend every church event.
But Sunday morning worship?
Non-negotiable.
Let’s assume that you keep your children in the church nursery until they are three years old, and then welcome them to the family pew. You have graciously gifted them over 250 more scriptural expositions than the child who remains in children’s church, not joining the family pew until age eight.
***
Do we truly, deep down in our bones, believe Romans 10:13-14?
For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?
Jesus Christ is the Word. Our Savior’s excellencies are to be preached to everyone.
When the disciples rebuked adults for bringing children to Jesus that he might touch them, Christ became indignant and said:
“Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” (Mark 10:14-15)
Consider welcoming your children, whom Jesus loves, into the family pew and under the pulpit. Do not hinder them by sending them away. Let them hear the Bible preached. They will not understand everything, at first, and they may even be bored. But remember that this is precisely how they first learned to speak, through immersion, by hearing your voice daily, from the moment they were born.
They did not understand the meaning of your words for a long time, did they? In this same manner, they will soak up the doctrines of Scripture, the truths and delight of God’s Word, little by little. Understanding will come in time.
Your children are eyewitnesses as you, parents, worship the Lord through praying, singing, notetaking, and obeying him by not forsaking the gathering of the saints. Children are sponges, and if you continually chirp: Church is important! and then dismiss them before the sermon, what are you showing them?
Church is about God, not about creating a fun, exciting, palatable place for children. Children, like us, are terribly prone to me-centeredness. I once heard a little one whine: I want to be up on stage this Christmas so people can clap for me! while pointing to the pulpit.
And there it is– the lie that church is a stage to spotlight oneself.
Leading your children into the family pew is not a boring punishment to be avoided but a treasure to be shared.
***
Once upon a time, I doled out mints to Caleb, Jacob, Marcus, and Lauren, my four stairsteps in the pew. I also gifted them their own notebook and pencils as I took notes during the sermon. As they sat and sketched and eventually learned to jot verses and key points, they intuited the importance of taking the sermon seriously. I expected them to.
As parents, it is our personal responsibility to teach our children to sit for the duration of the service. To pay attention and be generous by not distracting others from hearing the message. This is a good discipline, teaching them to sit respectfully, and reverently for ninety minutes. It takes practice.
Our world is forever spinning the message that children must be seen, worshipped, and given their way, no matter what. Teaching them to listen to their pastor preach is a gift to their souls, for all of eternity. It shows them how to deny themselves and follow Jesus. Such efforts stand contrary to worldly opinions, and they should. It reinforces a priceless truth–your children are not the center of the universe–God is.
Children can accomplish this, and such discipline begins at home. If your expectations are low, your children will wilt and misbehave. Endeavor to raise the bar with clear instruction and gentle encouragement. When they squirm or misbehave, view this as your opportunity to train them more diligently at home.
Practically speaking, I used to insist that my children used the restroom (whether or not they wanted to) before the service, which eliminated unnecessary roaming. When they were small, I squeezed their hands three times (secret code for I love you) or scratched their shoulder or winked at them during the message. I wanted them to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were a part of this body of believers and that I loved them until the end of time and was most delighted that we were seated as a family, together.
I find it interesting to note that the Apostle Paul penned the following to the church in Ephesus:
Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Ephesians 6:1)
This clearly indicates that children were an important part of the ancient church, gathering with their families to worship as Paul’s letter was proclaimed. This man of God, with divine apostolic authority, spoke directly to the children.
Dismissing children from the preaching speaks powerfully, doesn’t it?
Choosing to welcome your little ones to the pew, showing them how to open their Bible, how to worship the Lord reverently, how to bow in submissive prayer, and how to sing robust songs and hymns and spiritual songs speaks powerfully, too. It heralds the truth:
God’s Word is my authority, and it is yours, too.
***
I have had people tell me that expecting children to sit through the weekly sermon is unreasonable, especially for single parents. Although I was not a single parent, my husband was in the pulpit, and I was solely responsible for four children. At one point in Jon’s pastoral ministry, I added seven or eight other children to our pew; children who came from broken homes and were delivered to our church by bus. They were a bit disruptive, and a few of those children even had learning and social disorders. Sitting in the pew with them was trying, but I remained convinced that they were souls who deserved to hear the Holy Bible preached. So I pressed on to the best of my abilities, trusting God with the results.
I share with you as someone who speaks from decades of experience: it can be done, if you are willing to train up your loves, wholeheartedly trusting God’s promise that his Word never returns void. (Isaiah 55:11)
There are 10,080 minutes in each week. What might happen if you kept your family together in the pew for 90 of them?
And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7
The Palest Ink 